Strange Silhouette

I cannot get the image out of my head. Or the echo of the sounds out of my bones. I run on fear, sadness, and adrenaline. I am all but present, unaware of my surroundings. I am still back at the clearing. The moonshine shimmering across the blades of grass. I can see it there. It resembled what our long-dead ancestors from earth referred to as “Alces Alces,” or as it was more commonly known, Moose. I remember the tension in my arms, the creak of the alien wood as I pulled the bowstring back, felt my thumbnail, cold and damp against my cheek. I let loose.

The arrow soared, piercing droplets of rain as it whistled, then came to a sickening halt puncturing the thick silver hide of the unknown creature. Hearing the sound again in my head, I blinked away the tear-laced rain from my eyes. I quickly raised my hand, suddenly aware of my surroundings just in time to keep a thorny vine from ripping into my cheek.

I blink again and am returned to the scene in my mind. The creature recoils, acknowledging the sudden pain and that it is no longer alone. It looks at me. I can sense its jubilation amongst the pain as I return its gaze, frozen. Something pokes at my subconscious, first a rhythmic hum, undecipherable. I am unable to move as it becomes louder. There are no sounds in the clearing. In my head, I hear a wounded rage as the jumbled noise becomes clear and screams a thought into my own just as it starts to charge in my direction. “Why!? you fool?”

My legs took control of my body. In an instant, I was off running through the dark wet forest, fear channeling into speed, away from the antlered beast. I stumbled over the moss-covered concrete curb. Falling forward, the ground came up to meet the palm of my hands. An unwanted grunt escaped my mouth as the rough asphalt pierced and tore into my palms. The ancient ruins of the city stretched out before me: their towering husks, the last remains of civilization. I scrambled back to my feet as a low timbre echoed in my head.

“You can run, but these lands are mine, just as you will be. You have sealed your fate, outlander.”

I could not make sense of it, the voice in my head. It did not make sense; nothing about this made sense. This was to be a simple trophy hunt to prove my worth to the clan. I can still feel Grimmer’s breath against my cheek, “Either return with the horns of the beast or return to your death. Do not run, Seigr. We will find you.” The words had been running through my head. Haunting me from the moment I heard them. The voice pierced once again, painfully interrupted, my eyes shut, trying to shut out the beast, my foot caught on an old metal sign covered in debris.

“Intruder!” The word crashed into my mind. Everything went simultaneously white and then black. I felt the world come crashing into me, or maybe I crashed down into it. I was no longer running. I was no longer standing. I was. No longer.

Sweet, silent unconsciousness cascaded over me—a comforting blanket of peace and harmony. The blanket slowly slid off as I gained consciousness. I kept my eyes closed and opened my other senses to my surroundings. The echoey sound of deep low breathing told me I was no longer outdoors. It also told me I was not alone. I could feel hard dirt and pebbles beneath me, no composite or wooden flooring. The smell of musty dampness, the sounds trickling of water. A cavern.

“You are correct, stranger.” It was the same voice as before, but this time its timbre echoed and hung in the still air.

I slowly opened my eyes. Living bioluminescent things scurried across the wall, their own brilliance making their shapes indecipherable—the glowing creatures on the cave wall illuminated the darkness enough to see the silhouette of familiar antlers.

I chewed my bottom lip and made the motion of swallowing. My mouth dry with fear.

“Don’t be a fool. The only thing to fear here is you.” The thing huffed the words at me.

The antlers hummed a radiant blue light, illuminating the small space we shared. The creatures writhing on the wall vanished into unseen cracks. My jaw agape as confusion settled into a deep crease along my brow. Below the glowing blue antlers, I saw the creature I hunted earlier, only now it was different. The broken shaft of my arrow peered through silver fur on a now humanoid body. Gone were its cervine haunches, replaced with a set of two humanoid arms, each with three hefty fingers and thumb. It had bipedal legs that ended in cloven hooves. Beneath the antlers were green wideset eyes, a bulbous nose, and mouth that projected outward, a short snout, not quite a moose, not quite human either.

“It’s quite rude to stare.” His voice boomed with obvious disdain. I tried to speak but could not find the words or the courage.

“Are you a mute? No, of course, you are not. Humans. You think you are at the top of the food chain until the food chain decides you’re not. You’re a pathetic lot, really.” Without so much as a grimace, he pulled the broken arrow shaft from his shoulder. With a small snort, he flung it to the ground next to me.

“You know, if you’re going to attempt to take one’s life, you better make sure what life you’re taking.” He said softly in a deep timbre that resonated from his chest. “I’ve lived here near that clearing almost seven of your lifetimes. Not once has anyone tried to kill me.” He paused and threw a quizzical look at me. “Again, I ask. Why? You fool.”

I did not quite know how to answer him. Do I tell him the truth, or do I lie? I do not think a lie would get me very far, but to tell him the truth would be finally admitting to the truth myself. That I am broken, I am unwanted.

“You called me an outlander, which is accurate. I’ve been cast out by my own clan until I return with…” I trailed off and unsuccessfully tried to avert my gaze. His ancient eyes piercing.

“A trophy. You do not live in one place for as long as I have without being aware of who you are surrounded with. Your people…”, my shame ignited in my cheeks as he spits out the word people, “…are barbaric. You came from the stars over a thousand orbs ago and have learned nothing.”

I fell silent and let his words hang. I felt a calm growing over me and heard in my head, “Do you want to learn something? Do you want to grow? Truly learn and grow. Or do you want to try and murder me some more, leading to your own demise?” There was earnest care and concern in that simple question. Do you want to learn? I thought about it. I did not want to kill him. I knew that much. I did not want to return to my people either. He was right; we are barbaric. We learned nothing good about ourselves after The Great Pulse. We just continued with life the way we always did, with angst, anger, and violence. It was tiring. I sank into myself into the ground below me.

“Please, I want to learn and grow,” I was tired, alone, and wanted more. I wanted peace. To be done with warring and living to survive rather than surviving to live. If there was a chance he could give me that, I wanted it.

“Are you sure? There is no escaping what is to come.” Silently he left me to my ruminations.

My body ached as I stood, steeling my resolve. I met the beast’s gaze fiercely. “Yes. I am ready.”

“Very well.” His words echoed through the chamber once more. As he stood, he grew three times his size, looming over me like a giant. The antlers radiated intense blue light. Forcing my eyes closed, less they be seared from my skull. There was a sudden twist in my bowels and an audible pop in the air. I felt different.

My hands and feet felt heavy. Something seemed to pull my head forward, unbalanced. I concentrated on listening to my surroundings, keeping my eyes closed. I could hear a babbling brook and feel the grass beneath my hooves. Opening my eyes, I surveyed not only myself but the area. I was in a clearing, next to a brook. Looking down at myself, I saw my arms. No. My legs? I saw my legs and hooves covered in silver fur. Stumbling towards the brook, I glanced into the slow, calm water. Looking back at me were two small antlers, wideset eyes, with a round bulbous nose. I was me, but I was no longer myself. I was not scared or shocked. All my past cares were gone. I was free of societal trappings. I was finally in a place of serenity and belonging.